Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
