So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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