So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
