he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
