I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
