My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
