Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
