He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my shit smells like andre
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As shirtless as possible
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
