is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
