you guys were way drunker than both of me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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