Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
