Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i think im in europe. pls send help
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
