The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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