We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize