The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
