YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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