hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
