the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
