we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
