New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
