FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
