You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
