3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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