oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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