I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
