when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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