This girl is more easily done than said...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
