Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
