Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
