Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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