im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
