Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
