UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
