and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize