Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
