Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
