Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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