All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
