I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
