I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
