Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize