im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
