I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize