Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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