Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
