First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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