I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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