we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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