but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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