Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I understand Curling. That high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
