got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
