Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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