Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize