You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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