I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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