FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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