yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
