if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
