how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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