i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
