its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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