You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
