i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
