well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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