I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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