Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I could make wine with my vomit
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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