Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
