Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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