you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
