I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
