it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
